Learning to Speak
Simple thoughts, worth revisiting.
We first learn to speak by listening.
It takes years to find the right words, many more years before any wise words are found.
At first, we speak poorly, but helpful ones around us listen patiently & offer to share new words. They tell us when we’re missing something. Thankfully, many of us had parents or siblings to help us find our voice.
Side note: This is why it’s important to have compassion for those who were born without hearing or kids separated from family support after death, incarceration, war, or family struggles. They need extra love and deserve extra respect when they find their voice.
If we’re fortunate to have loved ones around as kids, we only find our voices because we were brave, hungry to learn, and persistent enough to keep speaking and listening.
But how do adults lose their voice?
For many, it’s fear. When humans are told they are stupid, deplorable, worthless, sleepy, sheep, wrong, young, old, or boring, there is a real fear of speaking deeply again. One reader shared this with me today:
I grew up being taught that everyone is watching, don’t do or say something stupid, you’ll be judged. I get horrible social anxiety, to even post a video of myself to any social media still isn’t something I can do…
Next time you think about trolling someone’s sincere words with insults or harsh judgments, please consider the damage. Hurt people hurt more people, so we need to stop the nasty stuff on the internet. It’s never okay.
Insults & harsh judgments don’t help anyone, they only make the future worse for everyone. Sadly, I know this from experience, having been too harsh with Jenni (my partner). This is why you don’t see her on camera much. My harshness made her voice quieter. Now the world is missing some of her brilliant thoughts. It will take years of encouragement and extra kisses to help it come back.
Other adults lose their voice because they no longer listen deeply to others. Some, because they withdrew from deep conversation (possibly after the type of shaming mentioned above), others because they fell into echo chambers where they only hear their own voice repeated time after time. First they forget how to listen to other words, then they forget how to speak different words.
Yes, communication may happen this way (the cheering/jeering of a mob is communication), but few have an actual voice in a mob. Now we have digital mobs shutting down even more voices.
For many who’ve been shamed, making noise in an echo chamber or mob feels amazing. They are never wrong, always applauded. This is the very real danger of reinforcing algorithms on social media platforms that only feed us what we like to hear. After a while, anything but applause feels offensive or combative. They abuse their few detractors, and the cycle repeats itself. The mild differences in opinion/belief grow into opposing digital armies. We now have soft civil wars…and very real ones to come.
Much of our society has lost the ability to find new words, new ways forward. We’re not moving forward much anymore. It’s hurting everyone.
Seeking out and listening to new words is important to find our best voices again, our best ideas again. Testing your voice where it will be listened to and receive honest responses is key to building a helpful voice. A voice that’s been tested will be strong.
Give it a shot in the comments below. I want to be stronger. What did I miss?
We make our society better in two simple ways:
- We keep speaking to sincere people
- We keep listening deeply with humility & bravery
It takes at least two. Let’s make things better tonight.
~ Aaron
